Sometimes I call some of my friends for a coffee and I get a lot of explanations why they can’t… In those moments I usually feel quite bad, especially if  a month ago they called me and I found one hour free to meet them… And especially if during those meetings we were talking only about their problems… I realized that there are a lot of people around me who call me when they have a problem, when they have to complain about something… And I think it is fine, you should share your problems with your friends… What I think it is not fine is that they don’t have time for me and that they don’t ask me how am I… I mean, I don’t expect from them to do that in moments when their life is going down the hill, when they are under a lot of stress, but a month later, two months later… When they feel like they finally can breath freely again… Yes, I expect from people to ask me from time to time how am I… I would like that they know that there is nothing nice in living in two countries and that every minute which I give them I don’t give to my husband… And he is the only one who listens to my problems… And that every of their problems just reminds me of all my problems… And what I only want is from time to time, when I ask them to do something with me, that they find time for that… To find time for a relaxed coffee or drink in the evening…

So because this is not my complain page, but me wanting to share with people how to go through academia with least stress possible, I have few advises for you (and for my friends)…

First of all, you can complain to people around you when your things are going bad, and you should… That will most probably help you to feel better… But what you should not do is calling your friends only when you have to complain… Second, you should go out and meet your friends even when you don’t have time… Everyone of us needs to eat during the day… And yes, maybe you eat one of your meals in front of the computer while working, but you shouldn’t do that for all your meals… So call your friends for a quick meal… When they invite you for something do it with them, especially if it is something where you can decide how long you want to stay… Half an hour for a coffee during the day, one hour dinner, two hours going out for a beer… You don’t have to stay longer than what you want… You should know, as complaining to them will help you, going out and doing something else, not thinking about your problems, will also help you… Will help you on short term, you will relax and be ready to continue your work… And will also help you on the long run, because you will not let life to pass by next to you… So find time for other things than work, in any case, you probably work more than what you are paid for…

And don’t forget, we all have a lot of problems, and maybe sometimes is your turn to hear them!!!


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